Eat & Run

I met a boy this weekend. Yep, you heard right. I met a real live boy! (I’ll pause while you lean in closer to the screen.)Actually, I met an enormous (6 ft 4, 350lb) beast of a man that was hungry for a piece of me! (…and in more ways than one!) But don’t get too excited because although he seemed nice enough, sadly he won’t be visiting fair Croft HQ anytime soon.

It all started when he snatched a camera out of my hand, kissed me and pushed me into the picture. This was a bit of a shock but not entirely unusual behaviour for boys from The Swan. Then, he tried to buy me a drink (they didn’t have what I wanted), then he tried to talk to me (he ripped my hair out trying to get to my ear), and then he danced with me (this new fangled dance requiring little-to-no movement). But I figured that’s okay, when I could hear what he was saying he wasn’t too bad. That was until he tried to eat me!

Seriously, right there in the middle of the dancefloor he tried to eat my face! I thought I was going to need a complete run of cosmetic surgery to repair the mangled state of my mouth. This guy made a full on midnight snack out of me! He literally chewed my lips and I’m pretty sure he took a chunk out of my shoulder. So, what happened next? I ran. Fast.

Perhaps it was my chocolate scented perfume that made a taste of your’s truly seem

so difficult to resist (or perhaps not). But whatever it was, as you can plainly see I’m hardly quick snack for anybody!