This post was featured in my stalkbook newsfeed today and I just had to share. I’ve been harsh on myself at times but generally speaking I agree with this sentiment: “When I look in the mirror, I don’t see a fat bird, I see me. I probably see myself smaller than I actually am” and this one, “I may be fat, but I’m fucking pretty!”
Truer words were never spoken. Sometimes I wish I hated myself as much as society says I should. But I don’t. There’s always been things I wanted to change (I mean, I wouldn’t have spent $16K on a Slimband if I didn’t!) but it’s not a result of self loathing. So, I just wanted to remind us all to celebrate the fat girls because even though “we have tits and hips and curvy, wobbly bits” you know you boys effing love us just the same even if you think you need to keep it a secret (you know who you are)!
I discovered something this week. Im plus size, yup Im fat… No I haven’t suddenly gained a load of weight, I just realised that it is how other people see me.
I was a skinny kid, my grandfather used to call me a skeleton with a fringe. I was a skinny teenager, I used to be a size 6 – 8, then at 19 I had my first child and went from a 6 to a 16, it hit me hard, along with a good dose of post natal depression. But I threw myself into being a mum and put my weight out of my mind, after all I had a loving partner and a gorgeous baby son. Two years later I had my daughter and two years after that I had my third child, our youngest son. Each time I got pregnant I gained a little more and a little…
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So, summer in O-Town tends to sit at the super sweltering mark for the majority of season. Personally, I love the sun but the heat gets to me so cooling down is essential.
Although I’m not much of a beach babe, I do like to take a dip now and then. And since I’m nearing the 3-month mark, I can soon swim again!!
Well, I found this fantastic little number by the good people at Alwaysforme.com. I’m a HUGE fan. It’s super flattering with the cinching on the sides, the twist keeps The Girls in place and it’s modest enough to cover some of my flaws. I’m thinking pink this year…and perhaps picking up a black one to mix and match. LOVE it.
Feeling okay lately band-wise. Since the second fill a week ago, I’m not at all afflicted with the ravenous hunger I’ve felt in the past. I simply get hungry when it’s time to eat which is around the 2-3 hour mark. Still able to eat things I shouldn’t and a bit more than I thought I would by now, so thinking I’ll need fill numero trois in a couple weeks. We’ll see though. Gotta wait the specified 2 weeks after fills to see if it works.
Having a bit of port pain lately though. Sleeping on a new mattress now that I’m living with family so gotta get used to the way my body lies on the bed. All part of the process I guess!
I miss my bras. It’s crazy to say it but I’ve been sporting nothing other than my Shock Absorbers for the last 11 days. You know the ones I mean. The the sports bra company with the bouncing boobs on their website.
Don’t get me wrong, they’re super supportive and suck The Girls tight against your chest dramatically improving ones posture. They’ve also got no underwire so they hold up my hooters and have been doing a great job keeping the pressure off my port-site.
I decided to give one of my favourite underwired undergarments a try this morning and there was way too much pressure coming down on my port-site for me to endure for a full shopping day. That familiar hot pain came back within minutes so I went back to the Shock Absorbers for their support and port-site protection.
That’s all well and good but I so wish I could put on a prettier protector for The Girls. Or at least something that both lifts AND separates. I’m so over my uniboob but the underwire is posing a problem.
See, I just got my Spring catalogue from Bravissimo (home of the best bra’s for big-boobed bitches) and I want like, 10 of them. It’s insane. I’ve got some pretty sexy stuff but I guess I’ll just have to hang on a little longer til my tummy’s ready.
It’s the strangest thing, stumbling across my port-site. I’d been told where it was when I was in the recovery room at the Slimband clinic but I couldn’t really feel it where I thought they’d said it was. I’d expected them to put it under the incision on my left side but the nurse said it’s under my top incision. Although I’d been experiencing some pain in my top incision and the muscles behind it were stinging, there seemed to be no port in site just yet. I knew it was there, I could feel something on the inside somewhere but I couldn’t quite find it from the outside.
It wasn’t until I removed the steri-strips on Day 8 and was checking out the fantastic healing rate of my incisions that I noticed a small bruise to the left of my top incision (the one between my boobs). I’d been scared to do any real poking around until I could see what I was prodding. I expected to feel something but nothing quite prepared me for the feeling of touching a foreign body (deliberately) positioned beneath my skin.
Weird is an understatement. And if I can feel it now before I’ve lost any real amount of weight, I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like when I’ve dropped 100 lbs. I’ll certainly have to warn the next guy that goes to second base with me or he might look like this guy!
Friday was my first day out and about on my own since my surgery. I woke up feeling pretty great. I got ready for the government job test I was heading to with little effort and only a slightly lighter head than usual. Since I still couldn’t do it myself, my grandmother played handmaid and helped me heave myself into my sports brassiere which provides the support I need to keep The Girls away from my incisions.
I was a little over-confident in my recovery and stupidly forgot my pain meds. I wasn’t feeling much pain when I left the house so I figured I’d be fine until after the test. Sadly, no less than 30 minutes into my 3-hour test, the gas pain returned to my neck and shoulder so severely I couldn’t finish it (not that I wanted to anyway…the job turned out to be something completely different than the ad).
Anyway, I got out of there and went to wait for the chariot that is public transpo.
I was concerned about the 1.5 hour ride back from Gatineau to the East End of Ottawa but quickly found that the bus was exactly the bumpy ride I needed. The bumps seemed to alleviate most of my gas pain in not time at all. But thank eff I was wearing my sports bra!!
I had some port-side pain which I suspect was a result of the bra pressing on my incision but it was very short-lived. I find that when I get up, if I press my hand over the top of the incision, it dulls the pain significantly. Otherwise, it feels a bit like a burning/tearing feeling which I’m not sure is because I THINK my port is pulling because I know it’s there or because it’s actually pulling a little because it’s still healing.
The gas pain of the afternoon subsided for a few hours but returned at bedtime. I still didn’t have my meds so it was two children’s chewable Gravol to the rescue. They tasted pretty great, considering. At least I didn’t have to crush them into shot glass half-full of water like I’ve been doing with the demerol. So, down the hatch they went and Gravol played the hero of the day by conquering the dreaded gas pain and knocking me out in less than 15 minutes flat.
Today I’m feeling pretty great. Slept through the night without waking up for more drugs and got out of bed with minimal effort. Stomach is still pretty tight and I can’t quite stand up straight just yet. Only had one demerol so far as still have some gas pain in my left shoulder and neck area but only low-mid level pain. Nothing like the first night thank goodness!
What feels very weird is that I can’t actually wear a bra. Now, for most women that wouldn’t really matter all that much but I’ve got some pretty huge hooters and they need their support. Especially since they’re putting a lot of pressure on my incisions. The main problem is that there’s an incision just below the spot right between my boobs in precisely the place my bra would sit against my chest.
The result is that I have to walk around the house (or anywhere else I’d like to go) holding onto my boobs so they don’t put pressure on my wounds. Needless to say, I’m not going anywhere until that changes! Unless of course, one of these Hand Bra’s (pictured) shows up in my mailbox in the next few hours…