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Dating, Family, Fun with Friends

The Curse of Curves

I had a conversation with my aunt today about a boy I knew in high school. She said something that really struck a nerve and I have to get it off my chest.
Curvy WomanWe’d had a somewhat special relationship and I was filling her in. She was curious about why we’d never dated and she asked me how I thought he felt about my weight. It never seemed to be an issue. Then she said the one thing I always fear when it comes to guys I care about:

“Well, he would care if you were dating. It doesn’t matter how big you are when you’re friends but when you’re dating it always matters,” she said.

Ouch. Straight to the jugular. I sat in stunned silence thinking about what she’d just said. It’s quite possibly my biggest insecurity knowing that there’s plenty of potential partners in my world who fancy the pants of me but wish I was a more socially acceptable size…the Curse of Curves I call it.

See, this friend and I were great friends when we were young, quite close and spent a whole lot of time together. We’d go to parties and sporting events and hang out on school nights ‘watching movies’. We were pretty great at ‘watching movies’ together and frequently did so until he moved away. We never officially dated and our real relationship wasn’t public. (Although I was the victim of the odd cougar joke since we spent so much time together at school.)

At the time, I would have said the secrecy was down to the fact that I was a senior and he was a freshman and I didn’t want anyone to know I was a cradle robber. He was my ‘fun friend’ and it was just between us.

But, I’m not entirely sure he would have wanted many people to know either. I mean, I wasn’t special, he had movie nights with other girls (and I hasten to add that it certainly never seemed to bother him what size any of his other girls were). I knew about them and it never bothered me. I had other ‘movie nights’ myself. So, I never drew any boundaries or put any pressure on him for anything other than fun. Neither did he. We were young. We never even talked about it.

I’d like to say that if I’d wanted more I would have asked for it but sadly, that’s not entirely true. I’d recently been burned by a boyfriend that seemed to be ashamed to date me in public so I really would never have pushed it if I’d thought it meant I wouldn’t get to spend time with him anymore. But I also had an issue with his age that I couldn’t get over. Then he moved away. Thinking about it now, I know our relationship was never any more or less than either of us wanted but that doesn’t mean it was all that healthy.

I still see him occasionally. We’re still great friends and I feel safe and happy when we’re together. I wish I had the courage to talk to him about it but since he’d never intentionally hurt me, I couldn’t be sure he’d tell me the truth anyway.

So, the curse remains intact. For now…

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About digitaldivablog

This is the full story of my Slimband journey from the fatness to the fitness and everything in between! I had Lap-band surgery at the Slimband Clinic in Toronto with Dr. Yau in April 2010 and boy has it been an adventure! This is where I tell the tale.

Discussion

4 thoughts on “The Curse of Curves

  1. Its always scary when you look back at your past with doubts but you might be putting these assumptions on this guy and he feels completely different. He may be quite insulted to find out you think he is so shallow but on the other hand you might be right.And I doubt he would ever admit to feeling like that. I think what I’m trying to say is you will never know unless you ask him and do you really want to know? You sound like you have a good relationship with him now so would that suffer if you confronted him? Can you gloss over the past and take it for what it was or do you need to know for sure? A tricky question for any of us. I know I would rather think the best of people. Good luck x

    Posted by Fiona | June 23, 2010, 06:06
  2. Having people I care about and people I don’t know tell me I’ll be better and more attractive and more desirable when I’m thinner is the story of my life. I’ve always had ‘such a pretty face’ and I’d always be ‘hotter if I dropped a few pounds’. I just wish it wasn’t actually true. It’s hard to say what I want because to be honest, he’s one of a handful of boys from my past I’ve had this issue with. This guy has said some pretty great things about this issue in general so a part of me knows it’s not all that important to him. It’s most certainly MY issue and not HIS but it’s sort of a nagging feeling I’ve got that will probably never go away…

    Posted by Vickie Mac | June 23, 2010, 06:23
  3. I’m not sure if asking him would help you. Maybe your aunt is right, maybe she’s not. I think it matters where you are now and thats trying to change yourself. My husband met me when I was 175 and when I started the process I was 233, do I think he would like a thinner/healthier wife-of course. Do I think he loved me less because of it-no. I don’t think that people who really love you won’t love you anymore just because you are overweight. I’m sure that this doesn’t really help you but its just my opinion.

    Posted by Jenny | June 23, 2010, 13:57
  4. Thanks ladies! Nah, I’ll probably never ask him. We don’t really have that kind of conversation for it to ever come up. It’s not really all that important for me to find out because we’re friends so really, it shouldn’t matter anyway. On a down day is the only time I care about that sort of thing. It’s certainly one of those times I wish my super power was mind reading instead of eating! ;o) But I do think there’s a big difference between wanting someone to be healthier vs wanting someone to be thinner. Sometimes they’re not the same thing. Healthier is always better and that’s what I’m going for – physically and mentally.

    Posted by Vickie Mac | June 29, 2010, 05:53

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