I’ve always had a thing for vampires. They’re beautiful, desirable, seductive, alluring. Perfect. The list goes on. But everything about them is attractive. I’m honestly not even close to deterred by the bloodlust.
Back in the day I was a big Anne Rice fan. With her dreamy duo of The Vampire Lestat and his dear companion Louis. They kept me enthralled with their tortured existence of love for blood and each other.
Then, when Stephanie Meyer‘s Twilight came into my life it became my bloodline to a romantic tale of young love like I haven’t seen since Romeo & Juliet.
Most recently I found L.J. Smith’s The Vampire Diaries.
In each of these realities there’s always a love so intense it seems impossible that it even exists. I’ve been in love before and each of these authors does a different yet equally delicious job at describing the kind of love I have indeed felt.
But they also describe desire in a way I’ve never experienced: pure, unadulterated, all-consuming passion for the hero/ine. Granted the desire for their lovers is fueled by a nearly uncontrollable urge to kill them, it’s still a desire I’ve never had inflicted upon me. I’ve felt it for someone else but never felt it directed at me.
The more I think about my future life and my significantly smaller self, the more I realise I really just want someone to want me THAT much. I mean, I certainly don’t want anyone to want to kill me or stalk me or actually be obsessed with me. But I do want someone to desire me as much as Edward and Jacob, Stephan and Damon desire Bella and Elena respectively.
But then again, I’m not sure I’ve ever been willing to let someone feel that way about me. It’s almost like I’ve never felt I deserved it. Not consciously, of course but on reflection there’s been a few self-sabotaging situations that could have resulted in something great. I guess it’s all part of the growth.
Since I’m someone that’s never been anyone’s first choice, it would be nice to have my own vampire-style love affair BEFORE I make my transformation. I’m sure it sounds shallow to want to be wanted that bad. But honestly, I’m pretty sure it’s most fat girls’ fantasy…without the vampires and the killing, of course.